Remember Who You Are
by Watercolors2
Summary: The Enterprise is sent to represent Starfleet at the opening of a memorial at the new colony on the restored planet of Tarsus IV. Jim is distressed, but his crew doesn't know why.
1. Not Again

**Remember Who You Are**

**Summary: **The Enterprise is sent to represent Starfleet at the opening of a memorial at the new colony on the restored planet of Tarsus IV. Jim is distressed, but his crew doesn't know why.

**AN: Hi everyone! So, I know I'm late jumping on the wagon for Star Trek:2009, but I didn't know about it until a couple of months ago. Now I am completely and hopelessly obsessed. Story of my life. Anyways, I've finally decided to give writing my own story a try. This is my first multi-chapter fic. It's already written, I just have to edit it. It contains a lot of angsty Jim. Here's my first chapter!**

**Note: I am by no means an old-fashioned Trekkie. I've never seen the TOS episodes. All my knowledge about Tarsus IV comes from lots and lots of fanfics, so if I'm using someone's original idea, I'm sorry cuz I don't know what actually happened versus what people made up.**

**Thanks to FyreFlyte for reading this, getting excited about it, and encouraging me to get it all written. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek, Star Trek:2009, Jim Kirk, Spock, or any other characters in this chapter. And the title was inspired by the song Sound the Bugle by Bryan Adams from the Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron Soundtrack.**

**Chapter 1: Not Again**

Jim breathed out shakily and stepped onto the green surface of Tarsus IV. He didn't want to be here. Heck, if it wasn't for the fact that his crew would ask questions if he turned tail and ran, then he'd be halfway across the galaxy in two seconds flat. Pike said that Starfleet needed to have representatives at the opening of the memorial on Tarsus; that they needed to assure the new colonists that Starfleet would never let something like what happened before with the famine and Kodos escape their immediate notice ever again. There would be a ceremony; a memorial bearing the names of all who died and also the names of those who survived would be dedicated later today as a reminder of the tragedy. All of the survivors had been invited. Jim only knew this because it was in the mission report, not because he had been sent an invitation, which led him to believe that no one knew he was a survivor, inside or outside of Starfleet. He wasn't sure how to feel about that. He had tried to cut the whole experience from his memory, had been reckless and drunk and tried his hardest to have no time to think about it ever. But it had become increasingly hard to ignore recently, with becoming captain of the Enterprise, because he was now a leader again, holding the lives of his crew and friends in his hands. The first time he had lost a crew member on an away mission, he had gotten wasted in his room and had nightmares for the next week about the children he'd lost so many years ago, had held as their tiny, weak, pale bodies drew their last breaths, had buried in the foul river because no one had the strength to dig a grave. If he was logical about it (Spock must seriously be rubbing off on him), then he knew that it wasn't his fault, that he did better than any fourteen year old could ever reasonably be expected to do, and that seventeen kids owed him their lives for being their leader, someone they could turn to, look up to, for the hope of surviving another night. But deep down, Jim knew he didn't believe that, couldn't believe that he'd done everything possible, because there were still eight kids who didn't make it, whom he couldn't save, and there were so many other people who didn't make it, either because they were slaughtered or they starved too, that it left him hollow and in tears every time he tried to fathom what it must have been like in their final moments. He stopped trying after eight months. Everyone's whole world had been torn apart and could never, ever, be completely whole again. Once Jim realized that, he put his heart and soul into ignoring the experience. He refused to call it forgetting because those who died didn't deserve to be forgotten and he could never truly forget. He had had no intention of visiting that place again, of telling his new friends and his crew what happened to him, of seeking out his old friends and those children under his care whom he had watched grow weaker and weaker in helpless frustration day after day for two months, one week, and three days until Starfleet had finally arrived five months after the first distress signal had been sent out. He didn't want to be here, he didn't want to tell Pike that he couldn't carry out the mission, he didn't want to face the friends he had ignored for so long, he didn't want to be representing Starfleet here and now when some survivors, himself included, were still mad at Starfleet for not arriving sooner, and _he fricking didn't want to be here._

"Captain, are you all right?" Spock inquired, coming to stand on Jim's right.

"Hm?" Jim said, shaking himself out of his thoughts to look at his first officer. "I'm fine. Why?"

If Spock wasn't a Vulcan, then he may have shrugged, but as it was he simply replied, "I have noticed that you have appeared mildly distracted on the voyage here."

Jim plastered on his usual cocky grin and was about to make some perverted joke about Spock watching him when he realized that maybe Spock could help make this ordeal a little easier without knowing the whole truth.

"Actually Spock, I'm nervous about the dedication speech I'm supposed to give at the memorial service," Kirk admitted. "I don't really know what to say and I'm afraid that, I dunno, someone will get offended by how I deliver the speech since I wasn't actually there and we're from Starfleet. But if you did it," Kirk said, poking Spock in the shoulder, "then you could deliver the speech in your usual emotionless Vulcan monotone and not offend anybody for having too much emotion or too little emotion because you don't show emotions normally."

Spock's eyebrow barely twitched when Jim poked him, the only outward indication that he did not appreciate the unnecessary gesture. But he tilted his head when Jim voiced his request, studying his captain thoughtfully. Jim made a conscious effort not to shift his weight from foot to foot while under the scrutinizing gaze, hoping that Spock couldn't tell that there was more to his request than he had let on.

Spock nodded slowly. "It would be a logical solution to this issue, Captain," he agreed. "I would be willing to present this speech. However, I will need some time to prepare."

"Good man," Jim smiled, trying not to look too relieved. "You can prepare some notes now. Send Sulu down, and he can accompany me to these preparations and such with the Council of Tarsus."

"Yes Captain," the Vulcan replied, pulling out his communicator.

"Oh, and Spock?" Jim added absentmindedly as he took in the sunrise, so familiar and yet so different, speaking of a day that would be full of painful reminders, "Thanks."

He could feel Spock studying him as they were separated by the swirl of the transporting beams enveloping Spock. The second he was gone, Jim let his captain mask fall completely. Shoulders slumping, he stared at the ground and blinked rapidly. He would not cry. He was James T. Kirk, captain of the U.S.S. Enterprise and he did not cry anymore. For anything.

The lights started forming again so Jim straightened, wiped his runny nose on his sleeve (no one would know if he didn't tell them), and watched as two people materialized next to him.

"Captain," Sulu greeted, snapping a quick salute, "Spock sent me to accompany you." He turned to the person next to him. "This is Lieutenant Riley. He works in the engineering department. He's the Tarsus survivor the admiralty told us about during the debriefing, and he asked to come planetside with us."

Jim was reeling. "Wait, there's ano- there's a survivor in the crew?" he spluttered, turning to study the young man in front if him. Sulu and Lieutenant Riley stared at their captain in surprise.

"Um, you didn't know? But you were there at the debriefing," Sulu said.

Jim shook his head. He'd missed half of that debriefing trying not to hyperventilate. Of course he was bound to miss something important. He turned to the slightly familiar-looking young crewman.

"I'm sorry Mr. Riley. I must have missed that part," he apologized, sticking out his hand in greeting.

"Kevin, sir," the man replied, accepting the handshake. "Lieutenant Kevin Riley."

Jim gave him a small smile, noting how his eyes appeared wet and kept scanning the area behind Jim and Sulu, taking in the green, lush, ground like Jim had just done, and remembering what it used to be like.

"Well," Jim said, turning away and pretending not to see Kevin Riley wiping his eyes, "let's go help set up for this afternoon."

The trio set off down the path towards the new town, Jim in the lead. He mulled over this new information as he walked. There was another Tarsus survivor on board, in Starfleet, and under his command. How ironic. He glanced back at the silent figure behind him. Riley. Had he known him? He would have been younger than Jim by at least five years, possibly more. Jim ran through the people he had know to survive. He didn't remember any Riley-wait. Riley was his last name. Did he know any Kevins? No, he didn't think_-Kev._ Jim glanced back again, heart pounding. Was it possible? Of all seventeen kids that had survived with Jim, Tom and Kev were the ones he had missed the most. He hadn't known anyone's last name, no one had, so it was no surprise that he hadn't picked up on 'Kevin Riley' right away.

It was definitely Kev. His hair was lighter, his face wasn't as round, and he was much taller, but it was him. Jim realized that he should feel excited, happy. The boy he had cared for during the worst part of their lives was grown up, had a job and friends, was alive. Instead, all he felt was dread. He had tried to distance himself, not think about that time or the people who thought he was dead. How the heck was he supposed to keep that up when one of his friends lived on his ship? What if Kev recognized him? True, he didn't exactly look the same, but no one did since they had all grown up. He had been known as JT on Tarsus, and he seriously doubted anyone had known that his last name was Kirk since his aunt and uncle who he had lived with had a different last name. But still. And shoot, he hadn't thought of it before but what if one of the survivors recognized him at the service? Not to mention what Bones would do if he found out that Jim's body and mind had gone through such abuse on top of all the Frank and Winona issues. He would probably sedate Jim for two years just because he hadn't told him. Not to mention how the rest of the crew would react. He didn't want their pity, and he didn't want them to all be able to see that far below his stuck-up exterior. Because then they would try to comfort him. And then he would be forced to think about it instead of just moving on. Then the next time he saw them, he would be reminded of their conversation and have to think about it every day, remember what they know and what they don't, and how they see him as the weak and scarred boy who has been traumatized too many times instead of their annoying over-confident captain. Even if he's going to be reminded of Tarsus everyday from now on whenever he sees Lieutenant Riley in the halls, he doesn't need his friends' pity on top of it. As the trio reached the colony and were greeted by the new council (no more governors-not after what happened last time), Jim resolved that no one would ever find out that he's JT, the boy hero from Tarsus IV who kept seventeen children alive through a famine and a slaughter.

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**I know, sad. Jim's feeling very stressed. I'll try to have the next chapter up in a couple of days. The whole thing should be about eight chapters long.**


	2. Accusations

**Remember Who You Are**

**Summary: **The Enterprise is sent to represent Starfleet at the opening of a memorial at the new colony on the restored planet of Tarsus IV. Jim is distressed, but his crew doesn't know why.

**AN: And here's chapter 2 (finally). Sorry I didn't get it up sooner. I wanted to upload yesturday at the latest but between cleaning the house and getting ready for school I kinda forgot/procrastinated (bad omen for the homework season...). It doesn't help that my parents, um, well let's just say they are very down to earth, have never been obsessed with anything, and don't approve of people who waste all their time on the computer. Anyways, here's the chapter. When I was writing this, this section just kind of ran away with me. It's not hugely important to the story, so I guess you could call it a filler chapter between 1 and 3.**

**Thank you to all who reviewed or favorited or followed this story! I was surprised that I got so much response. I'm sorry if I didn't respond to your review; I only got to some of you. **

**As always, thanks to FyreFlyte for reading this, getting excited about it, and encouraging me to get it all written. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek, Star Trek:2009, Jim Kirk, Spock, Tarsus, etc. And the title of this story was inspired by the song Sound the Bugle by Bryan Adams from the Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron Soundtrack.**

**Chapter 2: Accusations**

"Welcome to the colony of New Tarsus," the tall, grey-haired man in front of them said, shaking Jim's hand. "I'm Representative Noss from Section 4."

Jim smiled in return, but it lacked the usual brilliance. "Captain Kirk of the U.S.S. Enterprise. Pleased to meet you, sir."

"Come," Noss said with a smile, turning towards the street and gesturing for them to follow. "I will show you the colony and how it works on our way to the memorial sight."

Everything was completely different. The layout was different, the government was different, the style of houses was different, even the location was a little ways away from the original. Apparently, no one wanted to live in a place that was just like the first Tarsus. Jim found he was grateful that nothing really sparked any flashbacks, pleasant or unpleasant. Representative Noss explained that the colony had been divided into twelve sections and each section elected a representative to serve on the council for a four-year term. They had to have a majority vote for any decision they made. For food, not only was it being grown all around the colony in the restored soil, but there was a massive greenhouse in each section growing extra food for that area, and an extensive scientific research center on the edge of town which ran soil tests every two days. Yes, they had definitely taken measures to make sure the famine and resulting abuse of then-governor Kodo's power never happened again. As they passed through the streets, the colonists who had been living in this new paradise for three months watched and whispered to each other, gesturing to the Starfleet uniforms. As they passed a hotel, an angry young man marched up to them and spat at Jim's feet. The effect was immediate. The watching crowd roared, and Sulu and Kev stepped in front of their captain. Everyone glared at the man who simply ignored them and stared daggers at Jim.

"Why is stupid Starfleet even bothering to show up? You don't belong here, don't deserve to be here, not after you failed so epically last time," he snarled.

"Sir, back away from the Starfleet officers," someone said as two police officers showed up. They went to grab him, but he shook them off and continued. "Do you know what it's like to watch your friends and family get murdered? Do you know what it's like to live in fear of being discovered and killed every day? Do you know what it's like to watch your younger sister shrivel and die from malnourishment? Starfleet didn't show up until it was too late. Starfleet couldn't save anyone even after they arrived, because they were too late. Starfleet failed. How can we be sure you won't fail again?" he seethed.

"Sir, that's enough," a police officer said, "You're under arrest for the time being." They went to haul him away, but Jim held up his hand.

"Wait."

The officers stopped and looked at him, expectantly.

Jim turned to the survivor, mind reeling. He knew this person. Images flashed through his mind of a boy and his little sister huddled in terror together besides the remains of their burnt house, of the boy and girl laughing, of the boy crying into his shoulder.

"Your concern is justified," Jim said, trying to keep his voice steady as his old hatred at the universe for making children suffer through something like Tarsus began to bubble beneath his skin. "I, too, am disgusted that Starfleet failed to respond appropriately. But believe me when I say that if Starfleet doesn't respond immediately to the faintest distress signal from this planet or any other, I will personally blow them up for you."

The man's jaw dropped open and he blinked at Jim in surprise. Jim breathed out slowly trying to keep his face neutral. Internally, many unpleasant memories had just been dug up and thrown in his face. He was trying not to let his emotions show too much, but he was beginning to think he hadn't done as good a job of it as he would have hoped when Kev gasped.

"Ben!" he exclaimed, pointing at the man. "You're Ben!"

Ben startled and stared hard at Kev. "How'd you know my name?" he demanded.

"It's me, Kev! You know, from the cave."

Ben gasped. "Kev, the little guy who was always hanging with JT?"

Kev grinned. "Yup! And you-" he broke off suddenly, smile falling from his face as his eyes began to water. "You and your little sister Ella used to help me play jokes on him."

Jim was really, really glad the attention wasn't on him anymore, as the mention of Ella's name transformed the bubbling anger inside him into frustration and sadness faster than Jim had know was possible. Man, his emotions were going crazy on him today. He bent his head and screwed up his face trying to hold the tears back. Ben and Ella. Ben and Ella who, along with Kev and Tom, had decided that Jim needed a little cheering up not long after they had confirmed that his aunt, uncle, and older cousin had been killed, and so decided to declare an everyone-against-JT water fight. Jim had been soaking when they got back to the rest of the group, which caused everyone to break into a round of much needed laughter which lasted much longer than it should have. It had been the last time they'd laughed until long after they'd been rescued. And for Ella, it had been the last time she had laughed ever. Jim and Ben were both holding her when she drew her last breath, and Jim had held Ben while the boy cried his heart out. She had been the first death. As the memories flooded back to him, Jim found himself internally watching with longing while Kev and Ben hugged and cried together in the center of the street.

After a few minutes, the two pulled apart and dried their eyes.

"It's good to see you again, Kev," Ben sniffled.

"Likewise," Kev agreed. "Why don't you accompany us to the memorial sight? We were heading there now." He glanced at Jim as he said this, and Jim gave him a small nod of approval.

The policemen, seeing that everything was under control now, left and Ben continued on with them.

"So why did you join Starfleet?" Jim heard Ben ask Kev as they made their way out of town.

"I wanted to do something with my life, help others who have gone through hard times like I have," Kev replied immediately. "I figured I could probably help prevent something like what happened to us from within Starfleet, help prevent them from overlooking a planet in trouble. And," he admitted after a moment, "I wanted to explore the universe."

Ben snorted at that. Then he lowered his voice to ask something else, making Jim strain to overhear.

"Why is your captain...I dunno, passionate, about all," he waved his hand around, "this?"

Kev chuckled. "Eh, he's Jim Kirk, the greatest - and youngest - Starfleet captain of all time. He really cares about his crew and he really doesn't like injustice. You should see the admiralty's faces whenever they find out he's broken some rule and done what he thought was right; he's always right. They're classic. The pilot on the bridge records the conversations and posts the really good ones to the rest of the ship."

"What?" Jim squawked, turning on Sulu. Everyone went red, Ben because Jim had overheard him asking Kev about him, Kev and Sulu for being found out, and Jim because he had just revealed that he had been listening in.

"Er, sorry Sulu," Kev mumbled.

Jim shook his head, a slow smile stealing its way across his face. "So, did the whole crew see Admiral Archer splutter and admit that disobeying protocol had saved us from destruction, and then ask me not to tell anyone he'd said that before he signed off so fast that he forgot to tell us what our next instructions were?"

Sulu couldn't help the huge smile that broke out on his face and Kev snickered in the background. Jim sighed and gave them both a noogie, much to the shock of Ben and Representative Noss, before slinging his arms over their shoulders and continuing on down the road.

**So yeah, not a whole lot has happened yet. The whole Ben thing just popped up while I was writing; I didn't plan it. Thanks for reading! I originally said this would be eight chapters long, but the next planned chapter is so short that I might combine it with the one after it.**


	3. Ceremony

**Remember Who You Are**

**Summary: **The Enterprise is sent to represent Starfleet at the opening of a memorial at the new colony on the restored planet of Tarsus IV. Jim is distressed, but his crew doesn't know why.

**AN: And here it is! The next chapter. I must say, I'm excited about this one. And the next one. :) Thanks again to all of you who reviewed, followed, and favorited this story! **

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**Note: Thank you to those reviewers who caught the mistake in my timeline. No, Tarsus did not occur 27 years ago. Jim is supposed to be about 27 years old in this story. I must have gotten mixed up with the Kelvin incident or something. (How the heck did I do that? Gaaa.) Anyways, thank you so so much for correcting me! I've now fixed that mistake in this chapter (I hope). Please let me know if anyone finds anything else to fix. Thanks!**

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**As always, thanks to FyreFlyte for reading this, getting excited about it, and encouraging me to get it all written. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek, Star Trek:2009, Jim Kirk, Spock, Tarsus, etc. And the title of this story was inspired by the song Sound the Bugle by Bryan Adams from the Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron Soundtrack.**

**Chapter 3: Ceremony**

Jim relieved Kev of duty for the day so he could meet up with the other survivors, then he and Sulu spent the rest of the morning helping the council and other volunteers set up and prepare. The memorial was just nice as far as Jim was concerned. Two glossy, dark-blue slabs of stone that were each three meters high, five meters long, and ten centimeters thick were both placed at angles within a circle of dirt so that their edges met at a point facing the former colony's location. A cement walkway encircled the dirt circle and lined the rest of the surrounding area, which was also covered in dirt. The only vegetation in the whole area was fifty-six newly planted saplings; one for each of the survivors, excluding Jim. One outside face of the two slabs was covered in thick, white ink with the names of all those who had been killed, while the other had the names of the survivors etched onto its surface. Three dark-blue benches were arranged around the outside edge of the cement circle. There was only one cement path leading to the center, connecting the circle around the Name Stone to a small building made of the same dark-blue stone containing a maze of stories, first-hand accounts, pictures taken during and after the relief effort arrived, and letters written by grief-stricken friends and family to their dead loved ones honoring them and remembering them. Jim supposed that he would have appreciated it more if he wasn't feeling so emotionally compromised at the moment. As it was, he didn't go into the Remembrance Building, as it had been dubbed, with Sulu and Kev, claiming that there was still too much to do and he would go see it when everyone else did.

Several pavilions and tents were set up to create a temporary outdoor auditorium, complete with hundreds of chairs to accommodate the survivors, any new colonists who decided to come, and the Starfleet officials. Many different people would speak, including Spock who would start things off by giving a short summary of what happened, stating why they were here, and informing the gathering of how Starfleet has changed so that it won't make the same mistakes twice. Then there would be survivors, reporters, extended family members, and some of the new council members speaking, not necessarily in that order. The service would start at 1330, so at 1300 Jim and Sulu beamed back up to the Enterprise to gather the landing party, which would be larger than a normal landing party since many crew members wanted to pay their respects, including the entire command crew. Jim and Sulu fizzled into existence on the pad in the transporter room to find Chekov at the controls, the landing party getting ready to represent Starfleet, and the sound of Scotty's voice drifting down the hall.

"Oi lassie, not so hard! I was workin my way out of the bay, I swear! OUCH!"

"You were supposed to be out of engineering an hour ago!" Uhura hissed, appearing in the doorway and dragging Scotty in behind her by his ear. "And don't call me lassie."

Maybe it was caused by his high-strung nerves, maybe it was just that funny to him, but Jim burst out laughing. Uhura jumped in surprise, released Scotty's ear in such a hurry that she caused him to stumble, trip, and fall over, and snapped into a salute.

"Captain," she tried to state professionally, but it came out slightly high-pitched.

Jim broke out in another wave of hard laughter. He couldn't seem to stop. By now everyone in the transport room was staring at him, most in amusement but some, most notably Bones, looked slightly concerned. Scotty gaped from the floor, not bothering to get up. It was a good minute or so before Jim could get himself together.

"Aw geez Nyota," he wheezed. "I'm glad I never came up with that when I was trying to guess your first name." He looked around at everybody, grinning madly. "Lessons of the day: be on time when Lieutenant Uhura asks you to be, don't call her any endearing Scottish terms, and dragging someone by their ear is an effective way to get them to follow you, but should only be used in extreme situations."

This brought out chuckles from the majority of the room, an indignant "Hey! Tha wasn' extreme!" from Scotty, and a glare from Uhura. Jim stepped off the transporter pad as everyone went back to getting ready, making his way over to Bones. When he reached him, the doctor fixed his friend with a scrutinizing glare and pulled out his tricorder.

"Whoa hey!" Jim protested, raising his hands and backing up. "What's that for?"

"I've never heard you laugh like that normally, and what you just did sounded slightly hysterical," Bones growled, waving the tricorder over Jim. "So knowing you, you're probably sick or injured or hallucinating from an allergic reaction to something you found on that planet."

Jim snorted, rolling his eyes. "I'm glad to know you have so much faith in me."

Bones finished scanning, then scowled at his tricorder. "Nothing."

"You sound disappointed," Jim said, plastering a smug look on his face. He was really glad tricorders didn't pick up on their victims' emotions. "Honestly Bones, I didn't even sniff any flowers. I'm completely physically fit."

As he turned away, he heard Bones mutter, "Completely physically fit, but how 'bout mentally?" Jim pretended not to hear him. Even though he knew Bones had said it in jest, it rubbed him the wrong way.

"Okay lassies and laddies," He called out, clapping his hands together. "Let's beam down there before we're late."

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Jim settled into a spot next to Bones a couple of seats over from the end of the row so he could get out fairly easily if he had to without causing too much of a distraction. Unfortunately, he was too close to the front to be completely comfortable, but the Tarsus council members had insisted that Starfleet not sit in the back and so now his crew was clustered together in the three rows behind the group of survivors, who were in the front. Jim tried to not scan the crowd but he couldn't help noticing a few recognizable faces, each bringing with it an assault of formerly buried memories, some good but mostly sad ones which made Jim need to look down to collect himself again. The worst one was when he spotted Tom sitting next to Kev two rows in front of them. Jim felt a sharp pang in his chest at the sight. Tom, who'd been thirteen, was his best friend, his neighbor, and his classmate before it happened, who'd been there through it all from when he first arrived as a messed-up abused kid to when he'd been raced away on a stretcher starving, weak, half-conscious, and bleeding.

As Jim bent down pretending to fix his shoe, he couldn't stop the small shudder that ran through him as he tried to blink his eyes dry. Nor could he help the grim smirk that stole over his face as he realized just how messed-up he still was. God, he thought he was over this. And he would have been fine if he had never been forced to come back, to see everyone again. Why did the universe hate him so much? Sighing in defeat, he ran his hand over his face and sat up again. Bones was staring at him. Scratch that last thought; the universe didn't hate him, it loved making things extra hard for him and just him because apparently it's fun to try and make him break.

"Is there something you're not telling me kid?" Bones asked, sensing that now probably wasn't the best time to get mad at Jim.

"S'nothing Bones," Jim sighed, not looking at him. "Just tired - I didn't get a lot of sleep last night." And he hadn't, waking up every hour or so from various nightmares. Bones was about to say something when the crowd, which was finally seated, was quieted by the sound of Spock clearing his throat.

"Good afternoon. Welcome to this commemorative service dedicated to honoring those who suffered thirteen years ago."

It was, as Jim thought in his 'Spock voice,' a completely illogical way to start the ceremony because most beings attending would not believe it to be a particularly good afternoon, nor would they wish to be welcomed to something they would rather not have ever had to attend. At least, that was Jim's opinion.

Spock's short speech was concise and to the point, informing the gathering that as an extra precaution on top of their new top-notch communication technology, the planet would be tuned to the Enterprise's 'important transmissions' signal so that in an emergency, they could contact Starfleet's flagship directly. Jim had offered this service to the council on behalf of Lieutenant Riley, but it was secretly also for himself. It was also completely against protocol, but the admiralty, and Spock, could just deal with it.

The ceremony ran smoothly. There were prayers and letters to lost loved ones read aloud. Different survivors told how they survived; most had either spent the time alone or been in small groups of two or three, hiding in various basements and stealing food. All were older than Jim's group had been, with the youngest person having been seventeen. The oldest person in Jim's group had been a fifteen-year-old girl named Jenny who spent most of her time in the cave comforting and caring for the smaller children, the youngest who had been three-year-old David. Both had died.

A reporter spoke next. She had apparently been one of the very first to arrive on Tarsus after Starfleet. Many of her pictures were in the Remembrance Building as she was pretty much the only one to get pictures of survivors before they received help.

"The saddest thing I saw that day," she said, blinking hard as tears began to glisten in her eyes, "was this group of children, three incredibly skinny and sickly young boys. One was carrying the other who was only half-conscious and bleeding from an infected phaser wound in his leg. The third, the youngest, was holding the injured one's hand and yelling at him to stay awake. They stumbled towards a Starfleet officer, who raced the injured boy away on a stretcher. Then the two thin, weak children collapsed right there, hugging each other and crying. I brought them two blankets and some food, which they accepted but wouldn't eat until I assured them that I would go retrieve their other friends who were back in a cave somewhere too weak to walk all the way back to town. After I made sure they were being taken care of, I went with a relief group to the cave. There were fifteen more children in that cave. The oldest was twelve. The first thing they wanted to know was if their injured friend was alright. To this day, I am still haunted by the images of their suffering."

She finished her account abruptly and blew her nose as she walked back to her seat amid light applause. Jim, meanwhile, found himself frozen, unable to mask the look of horror on his face or clap his hands. So that's what happened to Tom and Kev after he'd been whisked away to the spaceship's sickbay. That's how the rest of their little family got rescued. He'd wondered, but decided not to try and find out. Looking back on it, he didn't really remember a lot of those last few days. He'd begun to get feverish, for there was only so much a bunch of malnourished kids in the wilderness could do.

The next person to stand up to speak was Tom.

"I'm going to speak to you today about how twenty-six children escaped execution, hid out in a cave outside the city, and struggled to survive," he said staring steely-eyed out at the crowd. "I'm going to tell you about a hero of the Tarsus tragedy, my friend, who led us through our trial when he was just fourteen."

Oh no, Jim thought, no please no.

"I'm going to tell you about JT."

**Mwhahaha. Cliffie. Actually, I didn't think it was that much of a cliffie, but I showed this story to FyreFlyte before I'd gotten the next part written and she was like "AAHH! Why would you end it there? This is bad!"**

**I'll try to update within two days at the latest. :)**


	4. JT

**Remember Who You Are**

**Summary: **The Enterprise is sent to represent Starfleet at the opening of a memorial at the new colony on the restored planet of Tarsus IV. Jim is distressed, but his crew doesn't know why.

**AN: HOLY COW you guys! I can't believe the response I'm getting for this story! 40 favs, 55 followers, and 28 reviews! Thank you all so, so much. I'm glad you like this story. I even got a few author favs and follows! (You do realize I've only written two other stories, and both are oneshots and only one is Star Trek? Not that I'm complaining! I'm honored!)**

**AN2: Thank you to those of you who caught my timeline mistake: Tarsus didn't happen 27 years ago, it happened 13 years ago. Jim's 27 years old. (I'm guessing I got mixed up with the Kelvin incident or something. How I managed that, I'll never know.) Anyways, I've fixed that in the last chapter now. **

**AN3: Did you guys see the American Google logo for September 7-8th, 2012 (yesterday/today)? It's Star Trek themed! TOS themed actually, but still. For those of you outside of the US, I bet you can find it on the Google Doodles page. Go to google and type google doodles into the search engine, and it should be the first search result. I just checked that website however, and since the Star Trek google doodle is still up right now, it hasn't been added to the page yet. But I'm willing to bet it will be up there sometime tomorrow. It's interactive, so you'll need to click on it to get all the animations. Look for the tribbles in the transporter room - I almost missed them.**

**As always, thanks to FyreFlyte for reading this, getting excited about it, and encouraging me to get it all written. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek, Star Trek:2009, Jim Kirk, Spock, Tarsus, etc. And the title of this story was inspired by the song ****Sound the Bugle**** by Bryan Adams from the ****Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron**** Soundtrack**

**Chapter 5: JT**

"I first met JT the day after he arrived on Tarsus," Tom began. "He moved from Earth to live with his aunt and uncle. To this day I don't know what his full name was; his aunt called him Jimmy but everyone else called him JT. We were neighbors, so my mom sent me over with a plate of cookies to welcome him. We became great friends and hung out after school. JT was extremely smart, taking extra classes in school along with joining at least eight clubs, and yet somehow always found the time to play or explore with our friends. Sometimes I could have sworn he was in two places at once."

Bones leaned over and bumped Jim with his elbow. "Now who do I know who's like that?" he muttered. Jim grunted in reply, but inside he felt sick. Bones would throw a fit if he found out just how similar JT and his captain were.

"When Kodos gathered half the colony in the center of town," Tom continued, "JT wasn't on the list of people who were supposed to be there. But I was, so he snuck in under the guard's notice to be with me. I think it's safe to say that everyone had a bad feeling about what was going on. JT seemed to catch on to what was about to happen a split second before everyone else did. In that second, he pulled me to the ground and threw himself over me. That split-second decision saved our lives. We were able to crawl through the chaos as people fell around us, people we knew, as soldier fired their weapons over our heads. We escaped the massacre and took refuge in a sheltered cave outside the colony which JT had discovered not long after he had arrived on planet, before he stopped exploring the forest in favor of hanging out in town with his friends.

That night, we snuck back in to the colony. The bodies had been left in the street. We didn't look. Somehow, a fire had started and burned down the whole west side of town. I followed JT through the streets as we snuck around, avoiding guards with guns and searching for survivors or for any friends or an adult that would shelter us. We went onto abandoned houses looking for food, and found more bodies. In one house we discovered Kev, a seven-year-old boy crouching next to his mother's body, sobbing, alone, and terrified. JT picked him up, shushed and comforted him, and carried him out of the house. We were going to check more houses for more survivors, but a guard spotted us and we were forced to run as he fired at us. The next night, JT decided to go back alone to search for more survivors and food. He wouldn't let me or Kev accompany him because he sought to protect us, and didn't want us to have to kill anybody in order to escape if we got caught. Every time he found someone, he brought them to the cave, gave them to me to take care of, and went back. This went on for three nights. In that time, he came back with twenty-three more children.

After that, we settled into a sort of routine. We had a kind of sick bay set up in the back, and a patrol schedule with groups who went out searching in the wilderness during the day and in the colony at night for supplies and food. JT was our leader. No one ever made it official, but we all looked to him and he always took control. He participated in all the colony runs at night. I assume he insisted on that as his way of coping with everything and to assure himself that we were as protected as possible. As time wore on and we waited for rescue, some of our members died from starvation or sickness. Each death his everyone hard, but JT helped us keep going. He insisted each time that they receive a proper burial, and kept us all from despairing."

Tom paused, not meeting the eyes of the crowd, and continued with his story. "One day, five days before Starfleet arrived though we didn't know that at the time, our nightly colony search group was seen by soldiers. The soldiers shot at them, killing Fred and May and injuring JT in the leg. I carried him back, but we couldn't do very much. Even coming down with a fever and unable to walk, JT kept reminding us that we needed to keep ourselves together and not give up. He helped me comfort and organize our little family when our oldest member died, leaving me in charge since JT was injured. And he only kept getting worse. By this point, I doubt anyone would have lasted another week. As it was, two more kids died before Starfleet arrived and JT was next in line."

Tom shifted his weight, swallowing thickly. "As soon as we saw a Starfleet spaceship in orbit, Kev and I tried to get JT medical attention as soon as possible by bringing him to the officers. You-you've already heard what happened after that."

Someone in the crowd sobbed out loud. Jim shook his head in dismay. Hearing it out loud confirmed it; his life was really sad. And he was a jerk for not contacting Tom before, and he was a coward for not telling him that he was alive now. Lovely.

"That was the last time we saw JT," Tom continued, staring down. There were murmurs of sympathy from the crowd. "We tried to locate him in the spaceship's sickbay as soon as we could, which was four days after he'd been beamed up, but his name wasn't listed in the patient's registry. The nurse told us that someone had died two days ago and their remains had already been deposited in space. I didn't want to believe it. I even checked a couple local hospital registries near my grandparents' house on Earth a couple months later when I found myself wishing he was alive again. It was…hard to accept his death. He was _so close_ to making it. It wasn't fair." Tom took a moment to breathe deeply. Jim noticed that he pointedly did not look towards the Starfleet section.

"But whenever I start despairing or wondering why life's worth living," Tom finally continued, looking up with renewed determination, "I think of him. We all do. We think of what he would do, how he would want us to live our lives, and it helps us carry on. Ladies and gentlemen, I ask you now to hold a minute of silence with me in honor of the greatest man I ever knew who gave me and sixteen others a chance to live."

That was it. Jim was _not _holding a minute of silence for himself, especially when he didn't deserve it.

He stood up and inched past Bones, Uhura, and Spock. "What the heck Jim!" Bones hissed quietly. He reached out to grab Jim's wrist, but Uhura stopped him. She narrowed her eyes at Jim, studying his face, and seemed to come to the conclusion that he needed a moment alone. Jim gave her a grateful nod and slipped out of the large tent.

And so Jim missed how Tom narrowed his eyes when Jim exited during the moment of silence, and also exited the tent when he was finished with his speech. He missed the reading of the list of names of those who died. He missed hearing the name James Kirk go by, obviously pulled out of a list of visitors who were on-planet at the time and weren't among the survivors. Leonard McCoy, Spock, Nyota Uhura, Montgomery Scott, Pavel Chekov, Hikaru Sulu, and Kevin Riley, did not.

Jim passed his hand over his face. He knew what must have happened with the hospital miscommunication. Apparently he had been in such bad shape that he had been sent off to a hospital on Earth almost immediately, probably before Tom and Kev had been able to try to find him. Apparently he had also gone into a coma for three weeks. When he had finally woken up, he hadn't given the annoying doctor his real name, and promptly escaped from the hospital two weeks later as soon as he had been able to stand again. Then began the process of trying to live without remembering what he'd left behind, the good and the bad. He had made his way back to Iowa and temporarily stayed in his empty house (Frank was still in prison, Sam was gone, and his mother was somewhere in space) until he had made enough money from odd-end jobs to move into a rundown apartment and buy his own beer. And that's how he'd stayed for years and years, wallowing in self-pity, acting like a lunatic when his stepfather eventually got out of prison, and doing nothing with his potential except woo women and occasionally take an online class in order to make sure he was prepared for anything. And because he liked proving the teachers wrong about him and what he could do. There was something exhilarating about defying expectations. Of course, that trait was how Pike had roped him into joining Starfleet, and being with Starfleet was the reason he was back on Tarsus now. Curse himself for being so easily drawn into crazy situations.

Jim sighed, staring over at the Rememberance Building. With nowhere else to go unless he wanted to beam back to the Enterprise and face the questions from whatever crew members were still up there, or walk all the way back to town where a bunch of colonists who weren't at the memorial ceremony would see him, he entered the dark complex for the first time.

Saying it was sad was a gross understatement. Seeing the images again made him want to kill Governor Kodos slowly and painfully over and over for the rest of eternity using every form of torture ever used. Fortunately for Kodos, he was already dead. Jim made his way deeper into the exhibit, following the story of the famine from the first signs of crop failure to the unanswered distress signal to the rationing of food to the massacre of half the colony. When he got to the section about the arrival of Starfleet he froze, staring in horror at the largest picture in the room. Right there in the center, surrounded by dozens of other pictures, news reports, and personal accounts, was a picture of JT. A broken, bleeding, half-dead JT in the arms of another boy who looked too emaciated and frail to be carrying his friend. A younger boy, just as sickly and thin as the other, was clutching Jim's hand, mouth open in a silent plea forever captured on film. He'd never realized just how bad it had been. Seeing himself made everything real again, the memories crystal clear again. No, he was definitely not over Tarsus. He never had been.

"Sad, isn't it," a voice said from behind Jim as Tom walked over to stand next to him. Jim didn't respond for fear of sobbing if he opened his mouth. He had always had trouble believing that anyone cared for him, what with Sam leaving, his mother not being able to look at him, and Frank always beating him and telling him he was worthless. Now, to see this image of his former friends in so much distress because they were worried about him, the realization that he had ignored and therefore hurt the first people in his life who had actually cared finally fully sunk in and hit him like a bucket of cold water. What could he possibly say or do now? It's not like he could just reveal himself now and expect to be forgiven. He didn't think he could deal with having Kev and Tom turn their backs on him, didn't want to ruin the hero image they looked up to for support when they realized he was actually a coward. No, it was too late to tell them. He could never tell anyone.

In that moment, Jim felt more alone then he ever had before.

Tom didn't appreciate Jim's unresponsiveness. "Look Mr. Starfleet Captain," he growled, still staring straight ahead and not at Jim, "I saw you walk out without honoring the dead. Now I don't care what Ben says about you being determined to not let anything bad happen here again, you are representing Starfleet and Starfleet is the reason JT died. The least you could do is stay for the whole ceremony."

He finally turned to Jim, who was pointedly still staring at the wall and its disturbing photo.

"Do you know," he said fiercely, voice trembling with emotion, "what I did to that guard who shot JT in the leg?"

Jim started in surprise, whirling to face Tom. Oh no, no Tom couldn't be saying what Jim thought he was saying. "Wha – you didn't kill him did you? Please tell me you didn't kill him. None of you were supposed to become murderers. And Jenny said you couldn't do anything to that guy, that you swore so colorfully about it that she had to cover Kev's ears!" he blurted out, frantically searching Tom's face to find out if what he had implied was true. He had tried so hard to keep them from growing up too much. That's why he'd always done any necessary killing. That's why he'd shouldered the responsibility of leader. He'd never been a proper kid, so there was no loss if he was the responsible one who had to make the tough decisions.

Silence.

Tom stared at Jim, mouth slightly agape, eyes wide and filled with jumbled emotions ranging from anger to confusion. Jim stared back with growing trepidation as his mind tried to decipher what his mouth had just said. Finally Tom whispered, "Jenny died two days before Starfleet arrived."

Jim frowned. "I kno -" his eyes widened as he realized what Tom was saying. "Jenny died two days before Starfleet arrived!" he gasped, staring at Tom in horror. He backed up towards the doorway, intent on escaping Tom's gaze. Then his entire command crew came running in, effectively blocking the exit. Jim was surrounded, trapped, stuck.

"JT?" Tom whispered, hope and awe coloring his voice as he gazed at Jim in disbelief. Jim glanced from Tom's disbelieving gaze to Kev's hopeful face to Bone's familiar concerned glare, eyes widening in horror before he could remind himself to school his features, unwittingly confirming his secret identity. He had never before been in such a situation, had never even considered being in a situation where he cared if the people facing him hated him or not. Looking at the mixed emotions written on the faces of his command crew, Jim Kirk found himself doing something he'd sworn never to do again. He turned his back to his friends, leaned his forehead against the wall, and began to cry.

**So? What do you think? **

**The next chapter will probably be the last, which is sad, but I really do need to wrap this story up before school picks up pace too much. **


	5. Group Hugs and Healing

**Remember Who You Are**

**Summary: **The Enterprise is sent to represent Starfleet at the opening of a memorial at the new colony on the restored planet of Tarsus IV. Jim is distressed, but his crew doesn't know why.

**AN: Oh. My. Gosh. I CANNOT believe how long it's been since I updated. I am ashamed. Very, very ashamed. You know how I said I would try and updated before my life got really busy? Yeah, well I was too late (School. grrr...). It didn't help that after I uploaded the previous chapter and read what was going to be my last chapter, I was tempted to throw the whole thing out because it was incredibly awful. (I had written the whole story before I started posting it, but I'd rushed the last chapter so when I went back I didn't like what happened, the people's reactions, my **_**grammar**_**, etc.) So the chapter had to be edited. A lot. The problem was that I didn't find time to really sit down and edit it until Thanksgiving (for those of you outside of the US, that's late November). Then I didn't get around to posting it until now, after the holiday season. Gah. **

**AN2: TO ALL OF YOU WHO REVIEWED: I am so incredibly sorry that I did not respond to most, if not all, of your reviews since the last chapter. When I was posting more regularly, I would upload my next chapter, respond to all my reviews from the previous chapter, and then post the chapter. So I told myself I would respond to your reviews when I posted this last chapter. It was **_**supposed**_** to motivate me to get working on it. Now I feel that it would be kind of pointless to respond to a review you sent me...f-f-four months ago!? (facepalms on the desk.)**

**AN3: THANK YOU TO ALL WHO FAVORITED, ALERTED, OR REVIEWED. 3 You guys are so great. And you kept me from forgetting about this story; how could I when my email inbox was flooded everyday with a notice saying [New Story Favorite] and [New Review] and [New Story Follower]? So thankyouthankyouthankyouthan kyouthankyouthankyou!**

**AN4: And now...the final chapter! (I only hope it was worth the wait.)**

**As always, thanks to FyreFlyte for reading this, getting excited about it, and encouraging me to get it all written. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek, Star Trek:2009, Jim Kirk, Spock, Tarsus, etc. And the title of this story was inspired by the song ****Sound the Bugle**** by Bryan Adams from the ****Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron**** Soundtrack.**

**Chapter 5: Group Hugs and Healing**

The only sound in the room was that of Jim's choked sobs. He tried to suppress each one, but it was a lost cause from the start. Every time he breathed out, his breath hitched. It had been so long since he'd cried, and never had he ever cried quite like this. He heard movement behind him but didn't turn around. Here he was, surrounded by people he cared about and whom he had hurt. And he was sobbing. How pathetic. He didn't think any of them had ever seen him cry except Bones, but that one time had been different.

Suddenly a pair of arms wrapped themselves around Jim and something wet pressed itself into his shoulder. He looked down in surprise to see Kev with his face buried in his shoulder. Then Tom was also there, wrapping his arms around both of them. Jim enveloped them both, and buried his face between Kev's head and Tom's shoulder. They stayed like that, holding each other and crying together. It was comforting, refreshing, healing to cry like this with them.

He was vaguely aware of a hushed feminine "Out!" followed by shuffling, more hushed grumbling, an abruptly cut off "But vat-," and a "Dammit kid!" before the door to the room clicked shut and the three old friends were left alone with their memories and each other.  
Jim felt a small smile sneak it's way onto his face. When he finally looked up and met Tom and Kev's gazes, they were smiling too, drinking in the sight of him.

After a few minutes, they broke apart, wiping their eyes.

"So how did you figure it out?" Jim asked, addressing Kev.

"Your name was on the list of the dead." Kev said ruefully.

Jim's eyes widened at that. "Oh. Um, does that mean my name is on the memorial too?"

"Probably."

"Wonderful. I suppose we'll have to fix that."

"Yup."

A couple of moments passed in silence, then Tom posed the question they all wanted to ask: "Why didn't you tell us you were alive? Why didn't you contact us before?"

Tom sat back and crossed his arms, fixing Jim with a glare and a frown. This was the sort of reaction Jim had been dreading, and he couldn't help his involuntary reaction in which his shoulders slumped and he turned away, not meeting their gaze, fresh tears brimming in his eyes.

"Whoa, hey JT," Tom exclaimed in alarm, reaching toward Jim and pulling him back. "It's gonna be okay. We are really glad to see you."

"Not disgusted, annoyed, and disappointed that I'm a coward?" Jim muttered, glaring at the floor and angrily brushing away his tears.

"JT!" exclaimed Kev in shock, at the same time Tom spluttered, "Excuse me?"

Jim looked up at them, perplexed.

"Well, aren't you?"

"For the love of- no we are very well not!"

Jim blinked. "You're not."

"I'm mad that you would even think that we'd hate you!" Tom exclaimed.

"Seriously JT. You think you were the only one who tried to forget about T-Tarsus completely?" Kev said, wincing slightly at The Name. "I hadn't heard from Maggie since the day she went back to Earth until today," he continued, "but at least I knew she was alive, or at least that she had survived. Unlike you."

Jim blinked. "Oh."

"What I want to know is why you didn't tell me who you were when you found out that I was on your ship and we were going back to this nightmare," Kev said, grabbing Jim's hand as Tom laid

his hand on Jim's shoulder.

Jim gave a dark chuckle. "What was I supposed to say? I got out of the hospital on Earth five weeks after I'd been brought in, and tried to ignore the whole experience for the rest of my life. That included not trying to find you or contact you. And I was succeeding too, until we had to attend this service." He turned to Kev. "I honestly didn't know you were on board until you beamed down this morning," he said, placing his hands on Kev's shoulders. "I had trouble paying attention when we first received our mission instructions, and didn't even know we were bringing a survivor to the ceremony." Jim drew Kev into a hug. "You've grown up so much."

Kev grinned. "I can't believe I didn't figure it out before: James T. Kirk, hero of Tarsus and savior of Earth. It makes sense."

"Yeah I know!" Tom exclaimed. "Goodness knows you've been in the news enough." He squinted at Jim. "It must have been the hair-your hair is a lot darker now than it was then."  
Jim snorted in amusement.

Just then there was a light knock on the door and Uhura stuck her head in. "Sorry to interrupt but-" her head disappeared abruptly and a hissed "no, not now Scotty!" was heard. She stuck her head back in and continued: "Sorry, but the gathering just let out, and you should probably wrap this up if you don't want everyone walking in on you guys."

"Thanks Uhura," Jim said, and with a nod she left, closing the door behind her.  
The three survivors turned to look at each other again.

"We've come a long way from that," Kev said, gesturing at the large picture behind them. The three stood shoulder to shoulder, gazing at the image of their younger selves.

"Yeah," Jim agreed. "Thank you for, you know, carrying me then," he said, somewhat awkwardly.

"And thank _you_ JT for leading us through that," Tom said. He then snickered. "I understand why you didn't stay for the moment of silence now. That must have been awkward."

"Yes," Jim agreed, shuddering, "yes it was."

"So," Kev said, opening the door, "shall we?"

Jim straightened and, with a nod, went out into the day to confront the rest of his ghosts from this planet.

* * *

"So," Jim said, shifting nervously under Bones' scrutinizing gaze.

"So," Bones stated, facing his friend with his arms crossed and tapping his foot, waiting. The rest of the bridge crew, plus Kev and Tom, looked on.

"How many hypos do I get for this one?"

"Goddammit Jim!" Bones seethed, breaking out of their stand-off by whipping out a hypo and brandishing it at the source of most of his problems. "I'm your doctor and your friend! You're supposed to tell me about these things! It would explain some of your wacky self-destructive habits that I've been wondering about for years!"

"Sorry!" Jim pleaded, dancing around the table away from the doctor and the dreaded pointy needle. "If it helps any, I never told anyone."

"Ever?" Sulu gasped. "But that's unhealthy!"

"Indeed," Spock intoned. "Humans especially need to express their emotions to others after great emotional upheaval."

"Because you're so good at that," Jim muttered under his breath, dodging behind Spock who found himself between Dr. McCoy and the captain.

Spock stepped to the side, forcing Jim to flee again, and fixed him with a withering look. "I am part Vulcan. I meditate."

"Really?" Tom said, looking at Spock curiously. "I've never met a Vulcan before. I was wondering what was up with your ears."

Spock blinked at Tom, eyebrows twitching in confusion. "I do not understand. My ears are not 'up.'"

"Never mind Spock," Jim grinned, twirling and snatching the hypo from Bones' grasp, and tossing it in the trash as everyone else, except Spock, started laughing. Bones threw his hands in the air and muttered something about next time.

"Well," Kev said. "Now that we've told the crew, we should really tell the other survivors."  
Jim swallowed nervously. "Yeah, yeah I should." He stood up, and so did everyone else in the room.

"I said _we_," Kev said, as he and Tom came to stand next to Jim. Bones started to say something but he was shushed by Uhura. Jim shot him an apologetic glance (which was met with a glare that made Jim dread the next time they would meet) and then headed through the door, Kev and Tom on his tail.

Kev grinned, bouncing up and down excitedly. "Ben's gonna have a heart attack when he finds out who you are!"

* * *

Jim patted the dirt down and stood up, brushing off his hands.

"There. There are now fifty-seven trees for fifty-seven survivors."

His crew clapped and Kev whooped out loud. Jim looked around at the memorial. It had been two days since his friends had found out what was possibly his darkest and best kept secret. The name stone had been updated, and he had spoken to, apologized to, and cried with every one of the fifteen other kids. Ben had even fainted. Jim had relived good and bad times with them again and again, finally facing his past and finally starting to heal.

That business finished, it was time to head back home to the Enterprise. They were already a day late for their next mission. As the command crew plus Lieutenant Riley prepared to beam back up, Jim hugged Tom one last time.

"You'd better keep in contact with me this time, you idiot," Tom growled, hugging back fiercely, "You and Kev both."

"I will, I promise," Jim assured him.

He went to stand next to Bones.

"So _JT_," Bones scowled, "As soon as we beam back up to the ship, you are coming to Sickbay and sleeping for eight hours."

"Sleep?" Jim asked, surprised. Sleep was the last thing he expected his best friend to make him do first. Jim had been preparing to explain himself to his long-time best friend all day. Sleep was supposed to come many hours later _after_he had talked to Bones and then avoided him by helping all over the ship. The hypo was inevitable, but it wasn't supposed to come so soon.

"Yes sleep. In sickbay. Where I can make sure it's peaceful. Because if I'm right, and I usually am when it comes to you and emotions, you haven't had a good night's rest since we found out about this mission over a week ago. You worried about it constantly, probably had nightmares, and probably stopped sleeping at all. Then you tried to hide it from the rest of us - which, mind you, didn't work very well. Everyone knew something was up, we just didn't know what. And so you got yourself so worked up about everything that you started blubbering like a baby when it all came down on your head."

Jim grinned. "You know me too well Bones. It's good to know you haven't changed now that you know about this. Really good."

Bones huffed. "When I feel like getting drunk I'll grill you for the details. Any other major parts of your tragic past I don't know about?"

"Well, you know about the brother that left, the absent mother, and the abusive stepfather," Jim said, listing them on his fingers. "Did I ever tell you about-"

"Stop! That was supposed to be a rhetorical question!"

"I know Bones," Jim smirked. "I was just kidding."

Bones opened his mouth but was interrupted by Uhura who was holding her communicator.  
"Captain, Admiral Pike is waiting to talk to you. I suspect it has something to do with you and," she gestured vaguely at the ground. "This."

"Wait, how could he know?" Jim questioned, alarmed. Pike wouldn't be happy to learn that he was a survivor.

Bones rolled his eyes. "Your crew kept all the reporters off you while you were making up for lost time with your buddies."

"Wait, really?" Jim said, looking at him in shock. "I didn't even notice. How could I possibly have not noticed?"

Bones snickered. "Vulcans can be very intimidating."

"What he means," Uhura interrupted impatiently, "Is that I told them to leave and Spock backed me up." With a flip of her hair, she marched off to stand next to the aforementioned Vulcan.

"Alright, what really happened?" Jim demanded, turning to Bones.

"Uhura told the reporters to back off, one of them tried to get passed her by pushing her aside, and so Spock used his Vulcan nerve pinch on him, confiscated his camera, and politely informed the group of reporters that if they didn't depart from the planet within the next twelve hours he would have them arrested for harassing a Starfleet officer."

Jim shook his head. "Have I ever told you guys how awesome you are?"

"Yeah well, it's inevitable that the rest of the world will find out now. Anyways, you can proclaim our greatness to the world after you've slept."

"What about Pike?"

Bones shrugged. "Too bad for him. He can talk to you later."

When Jim tried to protest, he held up his hand. "You owe it to me for never telling me. No arguing."

Jim sighed and pulled out his communicator.

"Kirk to engineering. Eight to beam up."

End

**Thank you!**


End file.
